Letter to Brigham Young

Brigham Young
Spirit Paradise

Dear kind Prophet,
I would dearly thank you for leading the Saints over the wild plains far from the reaches of horrifying mobs and economic disparity in Nauvoo and Missouri. But dear sir, your face offends even the most gentle and God fearing sister wife. To grow a full beard, coarse, thick and unruly, yet plainly disregard the noble mustache is insulting and unsightly.

I'm sure you were avoiding the common connotation of your period - that mustache's are for the mighty warrior growing larger with rank. Rightly so as you are a Prophet with Christ's peaceful message. But good gentleman, you are a Prophet of the Lord who fights in God's army in the Latter Days! Leading the Saints to victory against Satan and persecution! So I surely pray Christ uses his almighty powers to grow a quick mustache on your nude lip as to not scare little spirit children in heaven.

Always respectful and obedient,
Monti's Mustache